Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize