Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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