First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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