I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
