Grow some girl-balls and come out already
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
