dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
