I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
