so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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