oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
