Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
