I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
