Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
