The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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