she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
