this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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