everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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