i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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