Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
