did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
