weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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