I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
