in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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