sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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