OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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