I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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