so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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