i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
