ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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