he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
