I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My brain says no but my pants say off.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
