he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
