Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
