Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
