nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
