even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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