I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
