dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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