Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
