dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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