When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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