Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
