she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
