I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
