So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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