i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
