listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
