I just saw a hot homeless man
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
