I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
