i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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