WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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