This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
