dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
