then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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