4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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